hobbithabit (hobbithabit) wrote in inyourembrace,

Not That Easy Part 3

Dom heard the honesty in Billy's voice as he said he wanted this- some part of Billy *did*, about that Dom had no doubt. But was it enough? Dom decided, as Billy's lips closed once again on his, that it was. He could settle for love from Billy, no matter what form it took. Just being close to him was enough, feeling wanted and needed by him, even if it was for the wrong reasons. Dom was drunk, but not nearly drunk enough to pretend that he didn't understand what was going on. Billy wanted him, yes, but he had not suddenly fallen in love with him. And that was okay, because Dom had enough love in his heart for the both of them. He would take anything Billy was willing to give him, and gratefully. This closeness, just being with Billy this way, was enough. It had to be. Dom kissed him back softly, hand reaching up to caress Billy's face. Dom pulled back slightly then, smiling. He disobeyed Billy's order to shush, but only briefly. "Love me, now, Billy. Love me any way y' can. Need you.", he whispered, then leaned back in, capturing Billy's lips again, this time with no hesitation.

Dom's words gave Billy a brief moment of hesitation. This wasn't love, at least not the kind of love Dom was seeking, but somehow it seemed right and Billy didn't stop it. Couldn't stop it. Dom's fiery kiss quickly brought Billy back to the present. Billy pulled away, then stood holding out his hand. Dom stood and took his hand as Billy led him back to his bedroom. The very room they had slept together in many times before, but never like this. Billy pulled Dom over to the bed and stopped, looking into his eyes, seeing the lust and love that burned in them. And the thought that this was wrong once again found it's way to Billy's thoughts, but he didn't care. Billy took a hold of Dom's shirt hem and slowly pulled it up over his head, discarding it on the floor. He slid his hands slowly up Dom's pale skin, up his stomach and chest to his shoulders and back down. His skin was soft and warm and Billy delighted in the feel of it beneath his fingers as he explored. Billy leaned forward softly kissing Dom's shoulder and his neck, nuzzling him as his hands slid back down his chest, over his stomach and to the button of his jeans. Billy's own breath quickened, splaying against the sensitive skin of Dom's neck. The mere thought of what he was doing, what was going to happen was making Billy hard and he almost unconsciously rubbed himself against Dom's thigh as he undid the button of his jeans and tugged the zipper down.

Dom almost couldn't believe this was happening...he was here, with Billy, the way he had dreamed of so many times. Close to him, breathing in his scent, drinking in the smooth softness of his skin, tasting him. This was paradise...yet Dom felt uneasy, unsure. Just a little. He knew that this was not love, not to Billy, and a few minutes ago, that had been all right. But now, with Billy so near, in an embrace so intimate, Dom wasn't sure if he could settle for less than all. His love for Billy in that moment was so intense, so deep, it took him over completely. And the thought of it not being returned was nearly killing him. He knew part of him, at least, would regret this in the morning, but he could not stop himself. This was his Billy....as he had always imagined him. Dom shuddered as Billy's lips brushed across his neck, then sighed as Billy's hands went to work on his fly. Then Billy rubbed against him, and any thought of wrongness vanished. Pure need took over...and unconditional love. Dom's hands slipped beneath Billy's shirt, moving over his soft skin almost reverently, tracing an outline over Billy's abdomen and chest. Dom pulled him closer, whispering senseless, loving words in his ear, then nibbled on his earlobe, his breath quickening. Dom stopped a moment, looked into Billy's eyes, then gently tugged him down onto the bed, where he just held him for a few moments, caressing him. "This is right, Billy.", he whispered, trying to vanquish his own doubts as well as his friend's. 'cause you and me....we could never be wrong." He touched Billy's face softly, smiling at him, knowing that they were crossing a line, but also knowing that the other side would be even more beautiful than this one.

"This is right, Billy. 'cause you and me....we could never be wrong." 'What am I doing?' Billy thought. Okay so it wasn't for the first time. Billy's body was screaming yes! But his heart was telling him no, that this was a bad idea. No matter how lonely or down they were feeling this should not be happening. Nothing good could come from it. This is what Dom had dreamed of, all that he wanted and if Billy went through with this, he knew two things would happen; they would both regret it in the morning and it would give Dom hope along with mixed signals, but most of all it would change things between them. There would be awkwardness, hurt, regret and questions and Billy couldn't let that happen. Billy pulled back from Dom. "I can't do this Dommie," he said gently. "I can't hurt you. Can't mess up our friendship. I won't." Billy saw the confusion and surprise in Dom's eyes. "I'm sorry Dommie. Please understand." Billy paused and reached out taking Dom's hand and gently squeezing it. "I know this feels right, seems right, but you and I both know nothing good will come of this if we do this." Billy looked pleadingly into Dom's praying he would understand.

Dom closed his eyes, sighing softly. So Billy had been the first one to call it. Part of Dom was relieved, because he had also, deep down, known it was wrong. But a bigger part was hurt, confused and crushed, because his heart also knew it was somehow *right*. That *they* were right, he and Billy, together. How both things could be at once, Dom didn't know, but he felt it all the same. Billy was not only the person he loved, but also his soulmate. Dom felt that as clearly as he had ever felt anything. They fit, belonged together. Then, how was it, that Billy could not feel what he felt, could not let go of a long past love to explore the possibilty of a new one? Dom didn't know, but that fact broke his heart. Billy was not saying 'Maybe someday, Dommie.' He was not saying 'I need some time.' He was saying 'Never.' And that was the saddest word on earth. A few tears leaked out from under Dom's eyelids, but he squeezed Billy's hand back softly. Dom felt as if his world had ended, but what could he do? You could not make another person love you. "I need t' go, Billy.", he whispered raggedly. "I never should've come." Dom stood, wiping away his tears, not quite able to meet Billy's eyes. "I love you, Billy, and you'll always be m' friend, but I just can't be here right now.", he said softly, then gathered up his shirt, fastened his pants, and turned to leave.

Billy quickly stood and went to Dom. "Please don't go Dom. I know it hurts and it's awkward as hell, but if you leave now it will only make things worse." Dom briefly looked up to Billy and shook his head. "Don't you see this was the point I was making all along. If we would have gone through with this and slept together, tomorrow morning would have been a hundred times more awkward than things are right now." Billy sighed. "Christ Dommie, I don't have all the answers. I wish I did. It would sure make things a hell of a lot easier." Billy took Dom's hands into his own. "I know you have questions, you feel like your hearts been crushed and believe me I feel like shite for doing it. I wish it wasn't the case, wish I could give you all that you want, but I can't. I can only give you my friendship, my trust and my loyalty that I'll always be there for you. Through good *and* bad. Please don't walk away now. Don't let this ruin our friendship. It means the world to me and I would be lost without it." Billy stood, staring into Dom's face not knowing if anything he said made sense or if Dom would understand. He knew he was hurting because of *him* and that was the worst feeling. But he wasn't going to give up and he hoped Dom wouldn't either.

Dom stood stock-still for a moment, completely torn between fleeing and taking Billy in his arms. In the end, he did neither; he simply started sobbing, and the words tore from his lips before he could stop them. "I know what you're saying, Billy. I wish to bloody fuck I didn't, but I do.", he cried. "I don't want t' lose your friendship, either, but Christ! This is gonna take some time. I don't feel like m' heart's been crushed Billy...I feel like it's fucking dead!" He sat back onto the bed bonelessly and buried his face in his hands. "I love you, Billy. I love you with everything that's in me, and that's not just going t' go away. You of all people should know that...you still love someone that walked out on you." Dom didn't say this with any anger, only sympathy for what Billy had been through. "Bills...'ve spent every day loving you, sitting up there in Treebeard with you, wanting to touch you, wanting t' hold you, needing t' feel your arms around me. Every day knowing that you're th' only one in this entire universe that'll ever make me whole.", Dom whispered hoarsely, tears falling freely. "How in th' hell d' you expect me to just walk away from that, act like th' feelings aren't there?? I can't stop loving you anymore than you c'n start loving me. I just can't..." Dom just sat there, numb except for the tears, despair and sadness coursing through him. And the saddest thing of all was that if Billy were to take Dom in his arms in that moment, go back to trying to kiss him, touch him, fuck him, Dom would do just the same as he had before. Because he was helpless to do anything else.

Billy could only watch as Dom began sobbing and then pulled away from him, sitting on the bed. Everything he said was true. This was gonna take time, but that didn't stop the feeling of Billy wanting to turn and run as fast and as far away as he could. It didn't stop the feelings of sadness, guilt and hurt that washed over him at Dom's words. "I can't help how I feel," Billy finally said in small voice. "I know things are going to take time. I don't expect you to stop doing anything Dom. I...I was just trying to tell you how I felt." Billy wanted to go to Dom, wanted to hold him and reassure him that in time everything would be okay, that *they* would okay, but he was beginning to wonder if that would ever be the case. "Maybe we should just get some sleep," Billy said softly. "We've got an early call in the morning."

Dom listened to Billy's words with a sense of unreality, but at the same time, knew they were perfectly true. And this was *not* Billy's fault, Dom could not have him thinking it was. He raised his face from his hands and looked at Billy, finally. "'tis not your fault, Bills.", he whispered. "'tis no one's fault, not really. And 'm glad you told me how y' feel...you know how important your feelings are t' me. They always will be." Dom wiped at his eyes again, willing his tears to stop. They were only hurting him, and worse, hurting Billy. Dom loved him far too much to hurt him. "Maybe we should just get some sleep," Billy said softly. "We've got an early call in the morning." Dom closed his eyes at the words. Spoken just as if everything were normal. Dom wondered, for the first time, how in hell this was going to affect their job, not that that was the most important thing by any means. But he had to take it into consideration; they'd always worked so well together, read each other's thoughts seamlessly, known what the other was going to say before he said it. Would this change all of that, that uncomplicated smoothness between them? Dom just couldn't see how they could go back to the way things were, not at this point, anyway. Maybe Billy was right...they should sleep on it. Sitting here mourning for something that could never be was only an exercise in futility. Dom sighed heavily, and stood, ready to go off to Billy's spare bedroom and hope that the alcohol he'd consumed would allow him to escape into sleep. But right before he went to go out the door, Dom paused and turned back to Billy. "Would you...would you hold me, Billy? Let me sleep here, with you?", Dom asked in soft desperation. "Not for that reason, I swear...just beacause I need you t' be m' friend right now. Please?" Dom looked into Billy's eyes, praying he saw the truth behind the words. Dom had never needed anything more than he needed Billy's embrace in that moment.

Billy simply nodded his head at Dom's words. Really it was no ones fault. No one ever said life was fair or easy and Billy had learned that at a very early age. It was a lesson that stayed with him always. It kept him from feeling sorry for himself at times and at other times it just made him sad and wonder when he would at least get a break from it all. He thought maybe it had come in the form of landing the role as Pippin, but just as so many times before life had a way of somehow pulling the rug out from under him and watching him fall and struggle yet again. Sometimes it was just too much and Billy wished he could just make it all go away. Billy watched as Dom turned to leave his room and make his way to the spare bedroom, but then he stopped and turned back. "Would you...would you hold me, Billy? Let me sleep here, with you? Not for that reason, I swear...just beacause I need you t' be m' friend right now. Please?" Billy's heart lightened just a small wee bit at Dom's words. He knew the pleas was innocent yet sincere, that Dom simply needed to be held by someone who cared about him. And that Billy cared for him was a certaintity. "Sure Dommie," Billy said giving him a soft smile. Billy undressed silently, glancing down at the ring on the chain around his neck before pulling down the blankets and climbing into bed.

Dom just watched silently as Billy undressed. Dom had wanted to see this for so long, had imagined Billy's beauty this way, and he *was* beautiful, but it also hurt to watch. Hurt that he could not touch, hold, caress, not the way he wanted. The way he needed. Maybe this was just another mistake in a long line of mistakes tonight...maybe he should not have asked to sleep with Billy, even in innocence. It might hurt far too much. Then Dom saw Billy reach down and touch the chain around his neck tenderly, and Dom realized he had not even begun to imagine what hurt was. Because seeing Billy do that had just shattered Dom's heart. The ring on that chain was the thing standing between he and Billy, standing between their happiness. Dom felt this with absolute certainty. Strange, really, how it so echoed the film they were shooting. 'One ring to bind them'. Yes, indeed. The pull behind this ring, however, was not some dark, evil force, but a cruel, uncaring heart that had left Billy in misery, trying to love a ghost, and not able to spare any love for the flesh and blood man standing right before him. What agonizing irony that was. Without another word, Dom stripped and climbed into the bed next to Billy, rolling away from him so Billy did not have to see his tears. Dom was sure Billy'd had more than enough of them for one evening.

Billy looked away from Dom as he began to undress, thinking how strange it would now feel to have Dom in his bed despite the fact the had shared this bed many times before. Billy felt the bed dip down as Dom climbed in and looked up. He was just about to put his arms around Dom when Dom rolled away. Confused Billy stared at him for a moment wondering if Dom was having second thoughts. Billy sighed silently, reaching over to turn out the lamp. The room filled with darkness and it was strange feeling that came over Billy suddenly. It was as if the darkness brought on a feeling of safety that wasn't there when the lights were on. The darkness hid them, blanketed them. In the darkness things seemed easier, felt easier. Billy reached out and laid a hand gently on Dom's shoulder. "Dommie," he said softly, "you okay?" Billy wasn't going to pressure Dom, if he didn't want to be held now that was okay. Billy just needed to know that he was okay, well, as okay as he could be given the circumstances.

Dom felt Billy's gentle touch in the darkness, and all of his defenses crumbled. He turned towards Billy abruptly and burrowed into his arms, clinging to him, crying again. He'd thought he would run out of tears eventually, but apparently that wasn't going to be the case. He held tight to Billy, feeling the comfort of their bare skin meeting, and whispered against Billy's neck. "No. 'm not okay, Bills. Not at all. I can't stand this." He wept a moment more, then tried to get himself together a little, knowing he was only making things worse. The darkness seemed to bring out something in Dom, allowed him to ask things that he could not have asked with the lights on. "Is there a chance, Billy? Any chance at all?", Dom whispered desperately, still holding tight to Billy. "D' you think you could ever learn t' love me?" Dom knew he should not ask, but right now, it was the only question that mattered to his heart.

Billy wrapped his arms around Dom holding him close as he burrowed into him, clinging to him as he wept. Billy's heart pained him greatly to see Dom like this. He felt completely helpless. There was nothing he could say or do that could comfort Dom. All he could do was hold him and hope that with time things would get better. "Is there a chance, Billy? Any chance at all? D' you think you could ever learn t' love me?" Billy squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard. "Oh Dom," Billy whispered. It was the last thing Billy expected Dom to ask and the last thing he wanted to hear. Hadn't they hurt each other enough as it was. This was not making things easier, was not helping and Billy felt a small tinge of anger rise in him that Dom would even ask such questions. But Billy took a deep breath trying to answer them. "No...I don't know. Why are you asking me these things Dommie? Why?" Billy said softly.

"No...I don't know. Why are you asking me these things Dommie? Why?" Dom took one last deep breath of Billy's scent, allowed his hands to caress one last time along Billy's back, then gently pulled away. "Because I can't *not* ask them, Billy.", he whispered, then rose from the bed, not even bothering to pick up his clothes before he left the room. He walked, naked, not to Billy's spare bedroom, but to the living room, going by sense only, since his eyes were blinded with tears. He sat on Billy's couch in the dark, and felt around for the open whiskey bottle, pickng it up and putting it to his lips. He drank deeply, then lay back on the couch, cradling the bottle like a lover, knowing it was the closest he was going to get to happiness for a long, long time. He had poured his heart out to Billy, had told him that he was his soulmate, the only one who could ever fulfill him, the only one he'd truly loved. And Billy had just dismissed him, almost as if Dom hadn't said anything at all. That hurt so fucking badly, just wrenched Dom's heart in his chest. Dom knew he wasn't any prize catch; he was goofy-looking, had humongous Dumbo ears, snored, and went through frequent mood swings. But, he didn't think he was bad enough to rate having his heart simpy tossed away, brushed aside, as if it didn't matter at all. He didn't think that he was so very awful that Billy couldn't give him a chance, at least. Billy loved him as a friend...was there really that vast of a gap between that and a relationship? Dom didn't expect that he'd find any of the answers that night. He was terribly afraid that the only thing he was going to find was the bottom of a whiskey bottle and a broken heart.

Billy laid in the darkness for the longest time, his mind turning over and over the events of the past several hours. He felt confused, scared, lost and hurt. He knew he needed to talk to Dom, but he had no idea what to say. Certain now that words would only make things worse if that was possible. But Billy knew he couldn't just lay there and do nothing. And suddenly it hit him. He sat up, reaching over and turning on the light. The bright light flooded the room and Billy blinked his eyes as the slowly adjusted. He reached for the bottom nightstand drawer, opening it and pulling out the notebook that lay within. He rummaged around and came up with a pen and shut the drawer. Sometimes it was easier to write what you were feeling and thinking. And this was one of those times.

Dear Dom,
You asked me what love was like earlier today and I told you it was like jumping off a cliff and soaring high above the clouds. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world. Except when that love is not returned or when that love leaves you, for whatever reason. I know you don't understand how I can still love Corey when he walked out on me. But you must understand I was with him for three and half years. He was the sun and the moon to me and everything in between. I gave myself to him completely, vowing I would never love another and I haven't. I can't. Part of it is because I still love him very much. That love didn't stop just because he left. I don't quite know why I can't let go of him. Maybe it's because I've never gotten the answers to my questions of why. Maybe it's because there is no completion. So much left unanswered that I can't let go. Or maybe it's because I think if I do let go, let someone in that I'll lose him indefinitely. That there won't be a chance at all of him coming back. I know that sounds bloody ridiculous considering it's been over four years since I saw or heard from him, but sometimes hope is the one thing that keeps us going. Or maybe it's the fact that if I do let go of him and let someone else, I fear losing them as well. I know. It's fucked up. You don't know how often I've told myself that. How often I've said I need to move on. But then I think of him, look at a photograph of him or simply touch the ring he gave me and I can't. I still love him with all my heart. I think about him everyday. Maybe you don't want to hear that, but it's the truth. I often wonder what would happen if I ever saw him again. What would I say? What would I do? Just as I wonder if he ever thinks of me.

Don't think the irony of all this escapes me, because it does not. I love someone who for all intents and purposes doesn't love. If he did he wouldn't have left me, right? I wish that I could change things. I wish that I could take away your pain, that I could make love come around, but it's me you love and as much as I wish I could tell you that I love you like that, I don't. I don't know what the future holds. I think there comes a time when we walk the road alone and that the journey makes us strong. I'm still on my journey Dom and I don't know how much further I'll have to go before it leads me home. Right now I don't even know where home is. I can only ask for your friendship, your patience and understanding. Maybe I don't deserve them, maybe you think I'm not worth putting up with and I don't blame you if you feel that way. But I still have to ask. I don't know what else to say. I'm half afraid of losing you all together, but I had to try. They say time is a healer and I hope it's because I know we both need healing. I'll always be here for you Dom. I want you to know that and that I do love you.


Billy tore the pages from the notebook, not bothering to read over what he wrote for fear that he would want to change it or not give it to Dom at all. He stood and slipped on his boxers and walked out of his room and down the hall to the spare room. He took a deep breath and flipped on the light, but was surprised to find the room empty, the bed still made. Billy panicked for a moment thinking Dom may have left, but then realized that simply could not be the case. He switched the light off and made his way down the hall and into the darkness of the living room. He knew the room by heart even in the dark and went to the end table, switching on the lamp. Dom lay on the couch, cradling the nearly empty whiskey bottle. He blinked up at Bill with blood shot eyes. "What do you want?" he asked, his words were cold and a bit slurred and they made Billy's heartache. "I just wanted you to have this," Billy said handing him the letter and then turned to make his way back to his room.

Dom squinted down at the pages in his hand for a few moments, not even realizing what they were at first in his extensive state of drunkeness. Then his muzzy brain finally made the connection: Billy had come and handed him something, something with words on it. Dom highly doubted that it was Bill's laundry list, or Merry's shooting schedule for tomorrow, so he figured it must be a note. Or, rather, judging from the length, a letter. Something this long could not be called a note. A mini-letter, perhaps, or a missive. Even a epistle. But not a note. Dom's alcohol-pickled brain rambled on in this fashion for a few moments before the import of what he was holding finally hit him. Billy had written something for him, and wanted him to read it. And suddenly, that was the last thing on earth that Dom wanted to do. Because he wastoo afraid he already knew what it said. This was a Dear John letter. Or, a Dear Dom letter, as it were. In other words, fuck off Jack, your services are not required here anymore. Dom's mind was being sarcastic, but his heart was shattering as he held the pages up so he could see them. Then he started to read, and his whole *world* shattered. He was crying by the end of the first paragraph, sobbing by the second, and by the end of the letter, had fallen into so much pain that he could not produce any tears at all. He was numb. The letter had done what almost an entire bottle of whiskey had not been able to. Every other word had seemed to be 'Corey'. Not Dommie, but Corey. The motherfucking cocksucker. Corey. Dom had never truly hated anyone in his life, had too good of a heart, but he suddenly loathed Corey with an intensity that was frightening. If Corey had been standing before him at that moment, Dom would've snapped his neck with no remorse, and pissed on his stiffening corpse afterwards. Partly for himself, but mostly for Billy. What this fucker had done to him, done to his Billy! Dom could not even comprehend a man who could walk away from someone he was supposed to love, someone he had promised the moon and the stars, someone that had given him every inch of his soul, in trust and in love. That kind of bloke didn't deserve to still be breathing, let alone still have Billy's heart. Dom stood up from the couch in helpless fury, butt-starkers, swaying alarmingly on his feet. No matter. He could find his way to Billy blindfolded and trussed. His heart knew the way. When Dom had first read the letter, he'd wanted to get up, to walk out the door without a look back, to run away. But now he realized that if he did that, he'd be just another Corey. And Dominic Monaghan would never be accused of breaking Billy's heart. Never. The letter still gripped in his hand, he wove his way towards Billy's bedroom, listing like a stoned pirate, taking out an alarming number of pieces of furniture in the process. But he finally made it and swung Billy's door open, staggering inside. The light was off, but Dom determinedly made his way over to the bed, tripping over his own shoe a few inches from the bed and falling on it facefirst, rather than sitting on it delicately as he had intended. But no matter. He was there, and Billy was there, and Dom had something to say. "Bills...", he slurred, "I love you, and I will never leave you. I promise on m' life. Maybe someday you'll learn t' love me, maybe not, but I will always be your friend. And m' heart'll always be open t' you, love." Dom reached over and found Billy's face in the dark, and cupped his cheek tenderly, sliding his thumb across it softly once, before passing out cold on Billy's shoulder, the letter still clutched in his hand.

Billy lay on his bed trying to sleep, knowing he would have to get up in just a few hours and be on set. But try as he might, he couldn't sleep. His mind was too busy thinking of what Dom's reaction would be to his letter. That was of course if he even read it. He knew Dom was three sheets to the wind and then some. Maybe he'd simply pass out before reading. Or maybe he read and finally realize where Billy was coming from. That was probably too much to hope for. Billy was still lost in his thoughts when there was a noise in the room followed by an oompfh and something landing on the bed. Billy quickly realized it was Dom as he rolled over to face him in the dark. "Bills...", he slurred, "I love you, and I will never leave you. I promise on m' life. Maybe someday you'll learn t' love me, maybe not, but I will always be your friend. And m' heart'll always be open t' you, love." The words were slurred, but Billy was so glad that Dom had at least read the letter and had stuck around. He was about to reply when Dom passed out cold against his shoulder. Billy smiled in the dark and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on top of Dom's head. "Thank you," Billy whispered. He gently rolled Dom over onto his back and went to cover him up, noticing that his letter was still in Dom's hand. Billy gently tugged the letter out of his grasp, folded it up and laid it on the night stand. He turned back Dom, pulling the blankets up over and snuggling up next to him. "Goodnight Dom," Billy said softly, then closed his eyes.

Dom woke up to confuing darkness, realizing two things almost immediately. One, that a warm, cozy, naked body was snuggled up against him, arms wrapped around him, and that that warm body could only be Billy. Dom had a couple of moments to let pure joy course through him before he came to his second realization. If he did not move, and quickly, he was going to wind up puking all over warm, cozy, naked Billy's back. Dom scrambled out of bed on all fours, like a crab, scooting out from under Billy, only able to make a low, guttural noise at him when he sat straight up in bed and asked him what was wrong. He finally got to his feet, but stumbled over some object almost immediately and crashed to the floor, hard, shaking the entire room. Undeterred, he got back up to his feet, ignoring his bleeding head from where he'd whacked it on the side of the endtable, and plowed his way towards the bathroom as quickly as his drunk legs could go, determined not to soil Billy's pretty tan carpet. He made it, barely, and just had time to think that Makeup was going to bloody kill him in the morning, before his festival of drinking paid him back in spades and he was hanging over the toilet, hacking noisily. Lovely. Hadn't he already been enough of a pain in the arse to Billy this evening without encore puking noises? Apparently not. He could only pray that Billy had either gone back to sleep or gone stone deaf in the span of a few hours. Dom finally caught his breath and stopped heaving, but he knew it was only going to be a brief respite. An entire bottle of Scotch whiskey consumed like cheap Night Train did not let you off this easily. As he rested, he noticed for the first time he had something clutched in his left hand. He looked down briefly, and saw that he had somehow managed to grab Billy's letter off of the endtable while he was simultaneuosly cracking his skull against it. He opened up the letter and started re-reading it, his first go-round a little fuzzy in his brain. It was one fuck of a time to be having an epiphany, but Dom suddenly realized what needed to be done, what could maybe finally put his best friend, and only true love, to peace. What could possibly make him unlock the chains that were binding his heart. Dom raised his head and managed to squawk out, "Christ, Billy...y' need t' find him, is all. Make him bloody explain..." before the whiskey went back to work on him.

Billy realized Dom was going to be sick, but was hoping it would at least wait til morning. He sat up, throwing the blankets back and stood making his way to the bathroom. He could hear Dom wrenching over and over. He stopped and stood in the doorway looking at Dom as he practically lay in the toilet, yet somehow reading over the letter Billy had written him. "Christ, Billy...y' need t' find him, is all. Make him bloody explain..." "If only life were that easy," Billy said with a sigh as he went to the closet, taking a wash cloth down and wetting it. He knelt down beside Dom, cringing at not only the smell, but at the knot on Dom's forhehead and the blood running down his forehead. He was about to wipe it away when Dom turned to the toilet heaving once more. After several minutes the heaving stopped and Dom slumped against the wall, groaning. Billy slid over next to him and began to gently clean the blood off. "Ouch!" Dom cringed, turning his head away. "I'm sorry Dommie, but I've got to get this cleaned." Billy curled his fingers gently under Dom's chin and turned his head back so that it was facing him. "Just take a deep breath," Billy said softly as he began cleaning Dom's face once again. Dom took a deep breath, still cringing slightly. "Well, you've got quite a nasty bump there. I'd hate to be you tomorrow," Billy said grinning, as he stood, opening the medicine cabinet and taking out a couple band aids. He opened then and gingerly placed them over Dom's head and then sat back on his legs, looking Dom over, his eyes filled with concern.. "You're too good to me Bills," Dom said in a small, weak voice. "Yeah, I know," Billy smiled. "You okay to go back to bed now?" Billy asked.

"You okay to go back to bed now?" Dom cringed a little. "Not until y' give me some bloody Listerine. Y' really want t' go back t' bed with me like this, Bills?", he asked, grinning a little although his tummy was still churning warningly. He just hoped there would be no more out and out rebellions, at least till morning. He didn't even want to *think* about having to be on set in less than four hours. That didn't even bear contemplation. No bloody way. Billy smiled and handed him a bottle of mouthwash, and Dom tried to get to his feet, having to hang onto Billy for support. Dom tottered slowly over to the sink, used the mouthwash, spit, then made the mistake of looking at himself in the mirror. He was a horror show, blood still oozing out of his head, even caked in his wild, standing-straight-up hair. His eyes were bloodshot and half-lidded; the blue in them even seemed to have faded somehow till they looked almost milky. He seemed to have somehow managed to dribble a bit of sick down his neck- a spot Billy had missed with the cloth apparently- and he disgustedly clawed at the tap, turning it on and grabbing the bar of soap, cleaning himself up a bit. He did not belong in Lord of the Rings at all, he decided- he needed to be filming the four hundreth sequel to Night of the Living Dead. He finally turned to Billy, shaking his head slightly, then groaning as a blinding pain shot through his head at the motion and his stomach did cartwheels. "Carry me?", he squeaked pathetically to Billy, then had to chuckle as Billy bent to pick him up. Dom smiled at him, although it hurt like hell, and batted Billy's hands away gently. "I was kidding, y' daftie. Y' think 'm actually gonna let y' carry me t' bed like a bloody bird?", he asked teasingly, but his bloodshot eyes were filled with love as he looked at Billy.

"I was kidding, y' daftie. Y' think 'm actually gonna let y' carry me t' bed like a bloody bird?" "Yes, I do," Billy simply said as he moved closer to Dom once more, gently scooping him up in his arms. Dom didn't protest this time, he simply laid his head against Billy's shoulder and whispered a thank you. Billy walked slowly down the hall careful not to jostle Dom too much. He entered the bedroom and gently laid him on the bed, smiling softly at him. He walked to the other side of the bed retrieving the waste bin and sitting it beside Dom on the floor. "Is there anything I can get you?" Billy asked as he sat beside Dom on the bed, placing the clean cold cloth he had gotten while Dom cleaned up in the bathroom, on Dom's forehead.

Dom lay his head against Billy's shoulder as Billy picked him up gently in his arms. Dom felt a bit like an imbecile, but was mostly just filled with an overwhelming sense of happiness and love. The fact that Billy cared this much, was being this sweet and tender with him, was worth endless rounds of puking and thousands of concussions to Dom. He would walk through fire to be able to feel this close to Billy. For the first time in his life, Dom blessed his hangover. Billy lay him tenderly on the bed, then went about making him comfortable, fetching a wastebin (which Dom sincerely hoped he would not need, but greatly feared otherwise) and putting a cool cloth on his head. Dom smiled up at Billy, shaking his head slightly. "Honestly, Pip...'m hungover, not bloody infirm.", he grinned, but his voice revealed how very much he loved and appreciated everything Billy was doing for him. "Is there anything I can get you?" Dom smiled, softly and sweetly this time, and patted the bed next to him. "Yeah, Bills.", he whispered. "You. Need m' Pip cuddles. Need you."

"Yeah, Bills.", he whispered. "You. Need m' Pip cuddles. Need you." Billy smiled gently and slipped into bed beside Dom, taking him into his arms and snuggling up close. "That better?" Billy asked. "Mmm, much better," Dom said cuddling up to Billy. The wash cloth that had been on his forehead onto Dom's chest and Billy picked it up. He ran it gently rover Dom's forehead, down his cheeks and down his neck. Billy stopped momentarily and then continued, slowly dragging the cool wash cloth down Dom's chest, over his tummy and back up. "How's that Dommie?" Billy asked in a whisper.

Dom snuggled into Billy's arms, at once feeling peaceful and complete. This was heaven, here with Billy, and at that moment, Dom could not possibly ask for more. Simply being in Billy's embrace, his warmth, his love, was enough. Dom knew it was not the kind of love that Billy had felt with Corey, but it was love all the same...the deep, tender, meaningful love of close friendship. Dom sighed happily, and forgot all about his minor aches and pains. Then Billy dragged the cloth slowly down his bare chest and tummy, dangerously close to his nether-regions, and Dom forgot his own name. He gasped in a breath as the cloth moved against him, and sick or not, his body reacted to the signals it was recieving. In other words, pop goes the Weasel. Dom didn't know if Billy was intentionally turning him on, or not, only knew that it felt like paradise and he never wanted it to stop. But there were Billy's feelings to consider; they'd been through this once already tonight, and it had nearly ended in disaster. But more sober now,Dom had a thought. Half of the Fellowship was shagging. It was simply a fact. Orlando and Lij got it on regularly, Viggo had been sleeping with Orlando, and Beanie, Dom was fairly sure, and Viggo was *straight*, and Astin had even been spotted tonguing Elijah one fine evening. It was just the nature of the tight and close bond they had all formed on this shoot. They all loved each other, unconditionally, deeply, and eternally. And they showed that love in many ways, including sexually. So why not he and Billy? Wasn't the love of friendship, the love of The Fellowship, enough reason? Dom reached for Billy's hand and held it in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing the palm softly. "How's that Dommie?" "Bloody wonderful, Bills.", he smiled. "Though I think y' missed a spot."

Billy didn't quite understand why everytime he got near Dom this whole evening and night, he needed to touch him. It wasn't necessarily *that* kind of touch. Or maybe it was and he just didn't realize it. Billy did not pull away when Dom took his hand, holding it in his own and then brought it up to his lips and kissed the palm softly. The feather light kiss sent a tingling sensation through Billy's body and he shuddered slightly. "Though I think y' missed a spot." "Yeah," Billy said, his voice still a whisper. "Where did I miss Dommie?" Billy knew he was playing with fire, knew what could happen, but he couldn't stop himself.

"Yeah. Where did I miss Dommie?" Dom smiled up at Billy, then looked down at his own stomach. "M' tummy.", he answered just as softly, "But a little lower." His voice was slightly husky, filled with want and need, but was also loving. Billy smiled back and started to move the cloth again, tracing it lower and lower. It felt indescribibly wondrous, but Dom stayed Billy's hand gently, needing to say something before this went any further. "I'll not expect more, love.", he whispered. "But I dream of you, Bills....dream of you touching me this way, caring for me. And it's beautiful. 'tis always so beautiful. We don't have t' do this, Billy. But I pray that we will. Our friendship is strong enough- believe me on that." Dom waited for Billy's response, willing to accept it, whatever it might be. This was in Billy's hands now; Dom had made it clear where he stood. And, it was not anymore to be chalked up to a drunken encounter. He was perfectly sober and knew exactly what his heart and soul needed. Billy. Always. Any way he could get him.
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