Dom groaned as he came into wakefulness. He knew he'd said something to Billy before, but he could not remember what it might've been...most likely something along the lines of 'Let me go back to fucking sleep, y' wanker!'. Dom tried to blink open his eyes, which felt as if they were super-glued shut, and groaned again. He managed to get them halfway open, but then realized what shape the rest of his body was in; truth be told, he'd never felt worse upon waking, not even the morning after the famous 'Tequila Incident'. His head felt as if there was a blacksmith in there, pounding away, his muscles all felt weak and fluttery, and his stomach was doing things that he didn't even want to contemplate. He couldn't conceive of getting up to take a piss at this moment, let alone going into makeup for hours and then onto set. No bloody way. He had to *try*, though, at least. With a gargantuan effort, he hauled himself up onto his elbows, then had to close his eyes as the room began spinning dangerously. He made a couple of gagging, choking sounds before he managed to get his stomach to settle, at least temporarily. "Fuck, Bills...", he groaned, voice a cracked whisper. "Can't do it...can't get up. Please don't make m' get up. Tell PJ I died or somethin', yeah? 'tis the bloody truth anyway.", he moaned, then dropped back to the bed, rolling himself into a ball, trying to will away the sickness.
Billy looked at Dom knowing he probably felt one hundred times worse than Billy did with all the alcohol he had consumed. However, that didn't change the fact that he had to get up or Peter would kill him. "Come on Dommie," Billy said leaning down and gently scooping Dom up in his arms, "you got to get up." Dom moaned, protesting even as Billy held him. "Come on now, be a good lad. A nice shower and some coffee will help, yeah." Dom lay nearly lifeless in Billy's arms, his eyes still shut. "Can't do it Bills," he whispered. "Just leave me here." Billy sighed. "Can't do that mate," Billy said. "You're going to have to get up whether you like it or not." Billy scooted to the edge of the bed and pulled Dom with him. "On three we're going to stand up, okay Dom?" Dom lay there with his eyes closed, not moving, not responding. "Dommie," Billy said gently. There was still no response. Billy shook his head, feeling a bit of anger start to rise. He was not going to be late because of Dom. Billy slid off the edge of the bed and without saying another word pulled Dom to his feet with him. Dom swayed and pitched forward, cursing at Billy, who quickly caught him and pulled him back to his chest, wrapping his arms around him for support. "I tried the easy way Dommie. Now come on let's get you in the shower."
Dom groaned as Billy manhandled him towards the bathroom, half carrying, half dragging him. Dom was doing his best to walk on his own, honestly he was, but his legs just didn't seem to want to work. As they reached the bathroom doorway, Dom was finally able to take a few feeble steps on his own, tottering like a toddler just learning how to walk. He groaned again, but even as bad as he felt, had to laugh at himself a little. This was bloody ridiculous; Billy having to walk him around. Not that Dom was complaining about the closeness to Billy...not at all. Dom's mouth felt and tasted as if some small animal had died inside of it during the night, but Billy's breath, huffing across Dom's cheek, was as sweet as ever, and his lips looked perfectly edible. Dom turned to him with a half-grin and ran a shaky finger down Billy's face tenderly. "Y' know, Bills...didn't need t' get rough with me t' get me up....only needed t' kiss me awake. That'll do it everytime.", he smiled, and nuzzled Billy's cheek with his nose. He would kiss Billy, but was appalled at his own stinkiness; he wouldn't put Billy through that. As horrid as Dom felt this morning, he had to admit it was the best bloody morning of his life. Simply because he was with Billy, and because of what had happened earlier, in the wee hours. They had made love. Not fucked, or shagged, or any of those other crude terms. Made love. *Created* love, was more like it. Dom could feel it forming around them, taking life, even as Billy moved inside of him. It had been the single most beautiful experience of Dom's life, and he prayed that Billy had felt it, too. How could he *not* have? That feeling had taken up the whole world, it seemed, that love between them. Dom smiled at Billy now and softly touched his face again. "Last night was beautiful, Billy. Thank you.", Dom whispered. "Thank you for making m' dreams come true, love." He nearly added 'I love you.' to the end of the statement, but in the end, something stopped him. He could not understand what...it certainly wastrue enough. He loved Billy with his entire soul. And Dom may not have said it aloud, but the look in his eyes, as he tenderly gazed upon Billy, said everything.
They reached the bathroom and Billy's first throught was to turn the cold water on and just throw Dom in the shower. That would certainly wake him up. But then Dom took a few steps on is own and turned to Billy, running a shaky finger tenderly down his face. "Y' know, Bills...didn't need t' get rough with me t' get me up....only needed t' kiss me awake. That'll do it everytime." Billy froze for a second, forcing a grin on his face. "I doubt even that would have woke you up," Billy teased. Dom was simply staring at Billy. A soft, tender, loving stare and it didn't take a genius to figure out what he was thinking about. Billy knew he was thinking about last night and he knew in that moment that it had meant far more to Dom than it had Billy. And with Dom's next words Billy knew that for certain. "Last night was beautiful, Billy. Thank you.", Dom whispered. "Thank you for making m' dreams come true, love." The sinking feeling Billy had when awoke had turned into something worse. It now felt as if a led balloon had settled in his stomach and there was no way to move it. Billy stared at Dom not knowing what to say, but Dom still had that doe eyed 'I love you' look written all over his face. Christ, this was not what Billy wanted, but it's what he should have known would happen all along. "Right," Billy finally said, "let's get you in the shower." He turned and went to the closet, grabbing a towel and a wash cloth. He handed the wash cloth to Dom. "I...I'll just got make some coffee and then shower after you," Billy said sitting the towel on the sink.
As Billy spoke, Dom forgot all about his minor aches and pains; his heart was in too much pain for him to even notice the other things. He blinked at Billy a couple of times, not knowing what to do or say. In the end, he said nothing, only took the cloth from Billy's outstretched hand and turned away from him, closing his eyes as Billy left the bathroom. Billy did not love him. There was no doubt about what the fear and regret in his eyes were saying...it had not meant the same to him as it had to Dom, not at all. Billy had not felt the magic. It had been a fuck, plain and simple, and something in Dom's soul died at the realization. He numbly stepped into the shower, not even noticing when he turned the tap on hot enough to nearly boil his skin. He just stood under the showerhead, letting the scalding water wash over him, not feeling anything but a terrible, lonely ache. It would've been far
better for him to have left last night, to've never known the beauty and peace he had known with Billy. Because then, he would not have felt such a horrible void at its loss. Billy did not love him, perhaps *could* not love him, and it seemed like death. Because ever since a couple of months ago, his heart had been beating for one reason only: Billy. Dom's tears mixed in with the water from the shower, both dropping from his body to swirl down into the drain, away into the darkness. All of Dom's hope went with them.
In the kitchen Billy busied himself with putting the kettle on and getting the coffee ready. But nothing was going to make him forget the look in Dom's eyes when he realized that Billy's feelings for him had not changed because of last night. No, the blank, wounded hurt look in Dom's eyes was forever burned into Billy's mind. But what could he do? He couldn't pretend to love Dom for the sake of not hurting him. But it wasn't even just that. Billy felt guilty for even sleeping with Dom in the first place. This was all his fault. He went into it knowing exactly how Dom felt, knowing that it would only intensify his feelings for him. Sure Billy had wanted to do it, but it was for his own selfish reasons. It had been so long since he'd been with someone who cared about him who had touched him like that, but the truth was it could have been anyone. It didn't have to be Dom. It just happened to be him. Billy leaned heavily against the counter, rubbing his temple. He'd made a mess of things and now he didn't know if he could even fix them.
Dom got out of the shower on wobbly legs and towelled off, heading back into Billy's bedroom to find his discarded clothes from the night before. They were wrinkled, and smelled of sweat and whiskey, but he pulled them on anyway. On any other day, he would simply nick some of Billy's clothes- they were nearly the same size and switched clothes all the time- but not today. Having Billy's scent on and around him would be too much. Dom felt water on his neck, and thought he hadn't dried off well enough, but then realized the moisture was tears. He was crying again, without even being aware. He'd have to watch that; couldn't have himself blubbering like a baby on set, that'd be far too embarassing. He angrily wiped his face, then walked out towards the kitchen, the smell of fresh brewed coffee turning his stomach. Billy was there, sitting at the small wooden table, looking depressed and confused. Dom's heart lurched, and in that moment, he knew what he had to do. He had to numb himself, not allow any feelings in, no hurt, nothing. He had to harden his heart, do his job, and act. He needed to give the best bloody performance of his life. For Billy's sake. Dom steeled himself, then walked to the coffeepot, filling a mug and took it to the table with him. He sat across from Billy, taking a non-chalant drink of the brew, even though he knew that even coffee in his stomach at this point was going to make him puke. Didn't matter. All that mattered was getting that sad, helpless look off of Billy's face, making Billy smile again. Dom forced himself to grin a little over at Billy and make his voice sound normal. "Uh, Bills....about last night. Let's just forget it ever happened, eh? Chalk it up t' copious amounts of whiskey and hobbit antics. Not that I didn't enjoy it, but...y' know. No need t' embarass ourselves here, we're both adults. It just happened, yeah, and that's th' end of it." Dom's voice was cheerful enough, but the words tasted like ashes in his mouth and made him sicker than even the coffee. And his heart felt as if it had shriveled up to nothing. But a look of hope had risen in Billy's eyes, and that was all that mattered.
Billy looked up when Dom sat across from him. Then stared at him for several moments after he spoke. Billy felt as if a bit of the weight had been lifted off his shoulders. But that feeling was temporary. Even if he wanted to forget last night, he knew he wouldn't and Dom wouldn't either. He knew what Dom had said was strictly for his benefit and that touched Billy deeply, that Dom would put on a brave face for him, even if inside he felt like dying. In his heart Billy knew this was far from being the end of it, but if Dom was willing to try and get beyond, to try and keep things normal, then Billy would also. The last thing he wanted to do was lose Dom's friendship. Billy nodded his head. "Okay Dommie," he simply said and then rose from the table to go shower. As he walked by Dom he stopped and frowned. "Why are you wearing the clothes you had on yesterday?" Billy asked. "Go get something of mine and put it on you dafty."
"Go get something of mine and put it on you dafty." Dom's heart lurched at the words, but he didn't allow it to show on his face. He simply sat there, taking a few more drinks of his coffee as Billy left the kitchen and went towards the bathroom. Dom waited, jaw clenched, until he heard the bathroom door shut, then jolted up from the table and stumbled out the back door, losing the coffee and remnants of last night's whiskey into the flowerbed off of Billy's porch. Dom stood there for a few moments, hanging weakly over the railing, dizzy and sick and heartbroken. After a few more deep breaths of fresh air, he forced himself to walk back inside and head towards the bedroom, stripping off his clothes as he went. He grabbed a shirt and pair of trousers of Billy's without even looking to see what he had, and absently started to put them on. He finally noticed the shirt he was now wearing; a teal one of Billy's, his favorite. Billy had worn this shirt the first day that Dom had started to know he was falling in love. The green in the material had brought out the green in Billy's eyes, and Dom had fallen, hard and fast, and had been falling ever since. And what did it matter now? He had loved Billy, *would* love Billy, forever and always, but what good would it do him in the end? Love that was only a one way street was really no love at all. Only misery. Dom looked into the mirror over Billy's dresser, seeing a weak, broken, heartsick man. He wondered in that moment what the rest of his life was going to be like, going through it with the best part of his soul missing.
Billy hopped into the shower, letting the warm water cascade down over him a few moments before grabbing the soap. He quickly washed up and was out of the shower in under ten minutes. Billy wrapped a towel around his waist and headed for his bedroom. He felt a little better. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all. Of course, like all things, this would take time. Dom's heart wasn't going to change over night, but hopefully in time he would come to understand and come to terms with the fact that he and Billy would be just friends. Great friends, for Billy greatly treasured the friendship he had found in Dom. It was like none other he had ever known. Billy stopped when he reached his bedroom door. Dom was standing at his dresser, staring into the mirror. "Dom?" Billy called out softly as he walked into the room.
Dom turned from the mirror at the sound of Billy's voice. Dom blinked his eyes a couple of times, rapidly, trying to force the tears from falling. In the end, he managed. "I look like shite, Bills. Feel like shite, too.", he said, walking over towards Billy and giving him a sad half-smile. "Don't know how 'm ever gonna get through this bloody day." Dom sighed heavily, then then shook his head, wincing as it pounded angrily. He rummaged through billy's bedside drawer and fished out a bottle of aspirin, popping four in his mouth and chewing them without water, cringing at the taste. "Y' gonna get ready t' go, Bills?", he finally asked. "'ve already made us a bit late this morning, I see. Sorry." Dom sat listlessly on the bed, wishing he could burrow into it and pull the covers back up over his head and sleep. Sleep forever. With Billy in his arms.
Billy walked over and sat beside Dom on the bed, putting his arm around him. "We'll make it through this day together," he smiled. Though the smile was forced. Dom did look like shite and Billy worried how he would make it through the day. Billy vowed he would never let Dom get pissed again on a work night. At least not when he was with him. "Y' gonna get ready t' go, Bills?", he finally asked. "'ve already made us a bit late this morning, I see. Sorry." "Don't worry about it Dommie. Everyone's a wee bit late sometimes." Billy gave Dom a gentle squeeze and then stood. He was about to drop his towel and get dressed like he did most mornings, but froze for a moment. Should he get dressed in front of Dom? But if he gathered up his clothes and then left to go get dressed else where he'd feel a bit silly. After all, they were both adults as Dom had said and it wasn't like Dom hadn't seen him naked before. Billy walked over to his dresser, opening the drawers and pulling out clothes. Then before he lost his nerve, he dropped his towel and dressed. When he finished he grabbed the chain with ring on it and slid it over his head, then tucked it beneath his shirt. He turned around and went to the other side of the bed, grabbing his sneakers, putting them up. He stood back up and walked over to Dom. "All ready. Let's go."
Dom knew exactly what Billy was thinking, could read the hesitation in his eyes. Billy was afraid of getting starkers in front of him. Not three hours before, they'd been in each other's arms, intimate and close. Not three hours before, Billy had been coming inside of Dom, clawing at his back and growling softly in his ear. And now Billy had to force himself to shed his clothes in front of him. Dom felt the tears threaten again, but held them back. He was just going to have to get used to this; either that, or not be around Billy at all. And that was simply inconceivable. So he'd deal. Had no choice, really. Billy's naked body was still so beautiful to Dom, and it took everything in him not to walk over behind Billy, wrap his arms around him from the back, and tenderly kiss the soft skin of his neck. But he did not, did not dare. Dom was terribly afraid he'd never be allowed to touch Billy that way again. He sighed and was about to look away, when he saw Billy put the chain back around his neck. The bloody, motherfucking chain. The chain that was standing between Dom and everything he had ever wanted in the world. Dom had a sudden, nearly uncontrollable urge to get up and rip the chain from Billy's neck, throw it as far as he could, destroy it utterly. Better yet, let Frodo haul it up Mount Doom. Screw the one ring; let Lij toss *this* motherfucker into the flames instead. But, of course, Dom did no such thing, only sat on the bed in despair, his heart shriveling a little more as the necklace fell into place against Billy's heart, wondering how in the bloody hell Billy could love someone that threw him away like trash, yet not give a second thought to the man standing beside him that would die for him without hesitation. "All ready. Let's go." Dom closed his eyes, then stood, his voice wooden. "Yeah, Billy. Let's go."
Billy grabbed his keys off the hall table as they walked out the door. The cool morning air hit Billy as he walked to the car and climbed in. "Cold morning, yeah?" Billy said as Dom climbed in and Billy started up the car and drove off. "Yeah," Dom replied. He hadn't really noticed the cold. He was too numb. He wondered if he would ever allow himself to feel this way again about someone else. Dom shook his head. There would be no one else. He knew Billy was the only one he would love for the rest of his life. Even if Billy didn't love him back. The thought sent a pain straight through Dom's heart and had he been alone he would have completely broken down. As it were he swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "Mind if I put some music on?" Billy asked. "Might help to keep us awake."
How Dom got through the rest of the ride to set, he didn't know, but he somehow managed, and let out a silent breath of relief as Billy pulled into the car park. Dom got out of the car and waited for Billy, then walked with him towards Makeup. Billy was shivering with the cold, but Dom still didn't feel it. He felt nothing, and perhaps it was better that way. On any other day, he'd wrap his arms around Billy and playfully rub his shoulders to warm him up, but not
today. Perhaps never again. Dom shook his head as they walked into the trailer, vowing to himself to act normal, not let any of the pain he felt inside show through. That oath lasted for a whole five minutes, then everything went to Hell in a handbasket. Lij and Astin were already seated in their chairs, and Orlando, for some reason, was lounging against the counter, in full Legolas getup. He waved and smiled at Dom and Billy, then went right back to chatting with Sean. Sean saw them and also waved, raising his cup of coffee in greeting. "Didn't think you boys were going to make it.", he remarked cheerfully. "Brisk morning, isn't it?", he asked, then went back to talking to Orlando. Lij was having his hair put into little rubberbands by the makeup girl, but stood up grinning as he spotted them anyway. "Dudes.", he smiled, coming over to them. "Cold as a witch's fuckin' tit out there, isn't it?", he asked, then peered closely at Billy, then at Dom. He brow furrowed for a moment, then a huge grin came across his face. He turned to Orlando and Sean, beaming. "I don't fuckin' believe it...the impossible has finally happened. Ol' Pip finally let Merry slip him the salami. Damn...if these two haven't fucked, my name isn't..." Lij's words were cut off by Dom's hand clamping down on his shoulder, hard. Elijah squawked in surprise, then turned to him, eyes even wider than usual. "Dommie...let go...you're fucking hurting me, man....", he squeaked. Dom's grip didn't loosed, however, only tightened. He looked into Lij's eyes, his own deadly serious. "Shut your bloody mouth, Wood, before I shut it for you. I swear to Christ, I mean it. Not one more fucking word." He held Elijah's eyes a moment longer, then his own blurred with tears, and he let go, stumbling right back out of the trailer into the frigid pre-dawn air. He sagged down onto the metal steps, feeling as if he was losing his mind right along with his heart.
Elijah turned to Billy as he rubbed his shoulder. "What the fuck did I do?" he asked. "Was only stating the obvious. Christ, everyone's been wondering when the hell you two were gonna hook up. It's all Dom's babbled about for months." Billy looked at Elijah a bit surprised. It seemed like everyone, but he himself knew how Dom felt. "Just drop it Lij. Trust me on this one." Elijah frowned and turned away from Billy going back to getting his wig put on. Billy was torn not knowing if he should go to Dom or not. In the end he decided it was better if he just stayed put. He went and sat in one of the makeup chairs. He glanced over at Sean and Orlando who quickly looked away from him. Billy let out a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face. "Billy we need to start on your feet," came a voice. It was one of the makeup girls. Billy nodded his head and stood, following her. "Well, I should get going. Need to go over some of the changes made to the script. I'll see you guys later." Orlando glanced at Billy once more before making his way out of the trailer. He closed the door behind him and saw Dom sitting on the bottom step, sobbing. He walked down the steps and sat beside him. "Go away," Dom said without even looking up. "You look like you could use a friend right about now," Orlando said. Dom looked up through tear filled eyes. He had been expecting Billy, but he should have known better. "Want to talk about it?" Orlando asked gently, putting his arm around Dom. "He doesn't love me," Dom blurted out. "Oh sure, he'll fuck me, but that's it. That's all I'm good for to him," Dom said angerily, his voice trembling. Orlando's eyes went wide with surprise. He rubbed Dom's back trying to comfort as best he could. "He loves someone who fucking left him. Someone he hasn't even heard or seen in four god damn years! I don't understand that." Dom stopped a moment trying to calm himself down. "I don't understand any of this. I love him so much it hurts and yet he feels nothing for me. That hurts so much 'lando. I can't stand it. Why doesn't he love me?" Dom asked, his tears beginning to fall again.